|norly now, about that party...
||[Mar. 24th, 2008|12:47 pm]
^ me any time there's a high proof alcohol around
I got the JOYFUL OPPORTUNITY to chase drunkenly around the block, a black lab chow mix by the name of Burdick after letting him off his tether from taking a shit. Instead of just going straight into the house like every other time I do that, he decides that it is, in fact, quarter past PLAY TIME, and that we better dick around in the backyard for as long as possible to make up for it. So after trying to corner him and bring him inside for a while, he slips past me, out to the sidewalk. We live on a main road, by the way, so the street functions as a waffle maker for dogs. So I walk towards him, trying not to run and instigate MOAR PLAYTIEM!!!/1, but it fails, and he trots off down the sidewalk and around the corner. So I take to a slight jog.
At this point I should mention that not only have I had almost half of a fifth of the aforementioned beverage, but I've been coughing up green shit for almost two months.
So he sniffs out every porch that he passes, and finally gets to one with a really narrow clearing in the gate, at which point I use my tactical superiority (read: opposable thumb) to snag him in a near baseball-slide maneuver, and secure his collar in my right hand. So we walk home, him thinking GOOD GAME LAWL, me thinking, "you shithead, I can barely breath and don't have a free hand for my inhaler. Fuck"!
Cut to the inside of the house, everyone saying, "where were you? You missed the chicks grinding on each other! FAIL YOU".
So... that was a long story to've been summarized by the first sentence alone.
Will try again with party story later.